Intuition in pregnancy and birth

In my experience, as the baby grows and your body changes in pregnancy, so does your intuition relative to the wellbeing of yourself and baby. And while many people seem keenly aware of and reactive to what their gut tells them in other aspects of life, some find it hard to do so when they’re pregnant. I think part of this may stem from the fact that everything is so new with a first pregnancy, so you tend to rely on books or others’ advice to decide if what you’re experiencing is normal. I strongly suggest trusting your gut and bringing any concerns and questions, no matter how silly they may feel, to your care provider. Of course, you can also run them past your doula first if you feel like you need a filter for all of the questions that may arise. Your care provider should be willing to listen to your concerns and answer questions. If you feel like you’re not being heard, it’s never too late to consider interviewing and possibly switching providers.

During labor, being in tune with what your mind and body are telling you is also important. For example, maybe you’ve been on your back in the bed, but you feel like you should get up and change positions. It could be that your baby is trying to move to an optimal birthing position and your body wants to help the baby along. Listening to your body comes into play during the pushing phase of labor. ACOG states: “In the absence of an indication for expeditious delivery, women ... may be offered a period of rest of 1–2 hours (unless the woman has an urge to bear down sooner) ...”* This means that some people will rest before they begin the pushing phase, and there are cases when it is okay to do so. Most of the time, you can also listen to your body in terms of how you push. Again, from ACOG: “When not coached to breathe in a specific way, women push with an open glottis. In consideration of the limited data regarding outcomes ..., each woman should be encouraged to use the technique that she prefers and is most effective for her.”*

So while books and Facebook groups may be your first stop when you have questions, don’t forget that each pregnancy is unique. Your intuition is important and you should always feel safe sharing information with and asking questions of your care provider and birth partners. You know best how and what you’re feeling- it is your body, your pregnancy and your birth.

*https://www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Obstetric-Practice/Approaches-to-Limit-Intervention-During-Labor-and-Birth

Every birth is different

You will probably receive tons of unsolicited advice and sharing of personal experiences when you're pregnant. For some reason, people see that belly and think it's a comment box. While most of the time, they have good intentions, it can be overwhelming and not the least bit helpful.  The truth is, just as every human being is unique, so is every pregnancy and birth.  Even if you're not a first time mom, you can't expect for things to be the same with a subsequent birth.

So when you're making preparations during your pregnancy, do your best to put aside others' opinions and your preconceptions and really think about your current needs and desires. What do YOU want from a care provider? What do YOU need to do to feel prepared mentally and physically for the birth? As a doula, I wholly embrace the uniqueness of each birth and each birthing person. I do not have any expectations of you, but will support the ones that you have of yourself. Your birth experience is just that- yours. 

Doulas and partners

A common concern among people considering a birth doula is that a partner's role will be diminished or replaced altogether.  In reality, a doula can and should enhance your partner's role and make their presence at the birth even more special and helpful.  Your partner knows you better than anyone else in the room, and maybe even in the world.  Your doula knows the ins and outs of birth, the stages of labor, and the different emotional and physical needs that may arise during these times. So when you combine these two forces, both the partner and the doula are better able to serve you. 

Maybe your partner is giving you a massage and, while you feel like you need their physical touch, what he or she is doing is REALLY not working.  A doula can suggest other ways to provide physical comfort. Or your partner can tell from the look in your eyes that you've hit a wall, but neither of you know what to try next.  A doula help move you into a new position that might be better for you and the baby, or maybe change something about the setting in the room to make you feel more at ease.  It could also be the case that your partner goes into total deer in headlights mode as you begin moving along deeper into labor.  They have never seen you act the way you are and feel scared, helpless, and probably pretty clueless.  Your birth doula is there to not only support you as the birthing person, but to support your partner in their role and make sure they feel as helpful and connected to you as possible.

As your doula, I would never try to replace your partner.  I want to help them be the best they can be so you both reflect positively on your partnership in bringing baby into the world. Check out this quick article for more info on how doulas and partners work together.