2025 Reviewed

2 births

2 hospital births

2 vaginal

2 epidurals

1 with midwives, 1 with OBs

1 induction

Smallest baby: 6 lbs, 3 ozs

Biggest baby: 7 lbs, 12 ozs

Longest gestation: 39 weeks

Shortest gestation: 37 weeks 2 days

First birth: 2

Shortest labor support time: 11 hrs

Longest labor support time: 13 hrs

Average labor support time: 12 hrs

Location of births: UK

I only took two clients this year due to working and student teaching at an elementary school. They were due 11 days apart, but gave birth less than 12 hours apart. So much for planning! Looking forward to several more clients in 2026 before I hopefully begin work as an elementary school teacher.

Why I Dropped the Phrase "All Births For All People"

Up until recently, I believed that I was willing and capable of supporting all births for all people. However, a client and I recently ended our relationship and it made me realize that boundaries that I have set in place for the overall health and happiness of myself and my family mean that I cannot support any and every person or birth setting. Oftentimes, I can sense whether a client is a good fit before we even meet (enter a dash of expert level internet research). Other times, it takes the consultation to know whether I want to work with them. During most of the pandemic, I’ve chosen to be a little loose with my boundaries and occasionally ignored my intuition about folks. It hasn’t worked for me or for some clients, so I’m making a change.

One thing that I think a lot of folks, including myself, do not always consider when entering a relationship with a doula is that it is just that, a relationship. Yes, the client pays me to provide a service, but I cannot do that well if boundaries are not well established (on both ends) and one another’s humanity is not respected. While ours is one relationship, we have others that we must attend to with equal or more love and time.

On my end, a couple examples come to mind. I have two children who are the most important people in my life. If they need me, I’m going to be there for them, which is one reason I have backup doulas available. I also value my relationship with self which is why I find that my “built of straw” pandemic boundaries were a terrible idea. Having attended 80-something births is enough to know that I cannot support you without fear or a protective response with any provider or in any birth setting that you choose. And while most people that I work with are different than me and make different choices than I’d make (back to my focus on one another’s humanity), there are some folks that I cannot enter into a business+personal relationship with.

So, I want to apologize to people I’ve unintentionally, but undoubtedly, misled with the phrase “all births for all people.” I also apologize to myself for not seeing how that led to crossed boundaries and near burnout. I’m looking forward to being a better doula for you. Not for everyone, but for you and for me.

Condescension and Dismissal in Pregnancy and Birth

Being a doula and someone who cares about the emotional, informational, and physical support a birthing person receives, so many of the Lexington, KY, moms’ group Facebook posts about pregnancy and birth light me up! Like right now, I’ve got that temples-about-to-burst feeling from reading through a post about how to manage discomfort in labor without an epidural. A couple commenters wrote that their providers reminded them that they wouldn’t receive a medal for unmedicated labor and that they should do what’s “easiest” and not try to be a superhero. The condescension in those remarks is repulsive.

The overused comment about a medal for forgoing pain medication does not even make sense and is demeaning to all birthing people. One choice doesn’t get some sort of reward that the other does not. Both are valid and can be the best option for any individual or situation.

Anyone who dismisses your preferences or belittles you for the decisions you make is not providing respectful care. In labor, as in every other moment of your life, it is your body. When you are pregnant or laboring, you don’t suddenly lose control over making informed decisions about yourself and your baby. 

A respectful provider should listen to and answer your questions. Yes, they know more about pregnancy and birth than you do. They study and train and practice their work for years. They can understand your medical history and determine your and your baby’s health. But what they are not is YOU. You are a unique human being with experience, values, and thoughts that they may not ask about or may not understand (or that you choose, for one reason or another, not to share). Expecting this level of care is not unreasonable and there are midwives, OBs, and family practice doctors in our area who provide it.

If your provider is demeaning or doesn’t take time to answer your questions, that’s likely the type of care you’ll receive during your labor and birth. And if a friend, family member, or stranger is going to make judgments about you based on your choice to receive pain medication, they’re probably not the ones to go to for advice or pregnancy support. I have seen firsthand how much the birth experience affects the emotional well-being of the birthing person and their family immediately postpartum and months/years afterwards. Please take time to create a birth team that will meet your needs and provide respectful, evidence based care. You are absolutely worth it.

Closing out 2017

2017 is a year that I am unlikely to forget because of the very personal accomplishment of launching About Birth and serving my first birth doula families. Since March of this year, when I completed my DONA birth doula training with Chama Woydak of Homegrown Babies in Asheville, NC, I have been able to serve eight families at their births. The first four were shadowing Christina Libby of Commonwealth Doula Services and the final four were solo. All of my clients this year were first time moms with their labors ranging from a lightning fast four hours to about 40 hours. Two of the births were at the families' homes and the other two were at Lexington, KY, hospitals. Each family that I worked with was unique in personality, beliefs, background, and birth preferences, but I was able meet their individual needs by listening and learning at our prenatal meetings, and all four families wrote incredible reviews of my services. I feel very fortunate that they gave me the opportunity to serve them and show that I am excellent at this work. It was truly an awesome year!

So what's ahead for 2018? I have completed all of the my DONA certification work and will be submitting the paperwork on January 2. I understand that the review process can take awhile, but I expect to receive my certification by springtime. I just started a doula mentorship with BirdSong Brooklyn and have already learned a lot about how I can enhance my work as a doula (and wife, mother, and friend). I also recently became a professional member of Evidence Based Birth and will continue my training with them this year. 2018 will also be my first time serving a VBAC family and a second time mom.

Can I add your family to my work for 2018? It's been a wonderful first year as a birth doula so far, and I'd love to have you join me as we journey through the new year. Here's to beautiful, empowered birthing in 2018! Cheers (with a non-alcholic beverage of your choice)!

Not everyone's doula

On my website, I state that everyone who wants a doula should have one. As much as I’d love to be that doula for everyone, the truth is, I’m not everyone’s doula. In an earlier blog post, I talked about the importance of making a personal connection with the doula you hire. You are inviting this person to support and be present with you through one of life’s most intimate and sometimes vulnerable events. It is so important that you feel comfortable with the doula’s personality and manner.  

One of the best ways to make sure your doula is a good fit is to meet in person. At About Birth, the in-person consultations are free. My goal in these meetings is to get a feel for how we’d interact and work together. They are brief, typically 30 minutes, and casual. At my last two “interviews”, I was hired on the spot, so sometimes we’ll just know if it’s right. And if I’m not the right person for you, or you want to check out other doulas before making a decision, I understand and encourage it! There are several other doulas in the Lexington, KY, area who practice similarly to me, but have very different personalities that might be more in line with yours.

So, while it’s great to get hired, it’s way more important to me that you’re finding the right person to support you during pregnancy and birth. Who you choose to be on your birth team is crucial to having a positive birth experience. And everyone, I mean EVERYONE, deserves a positive birth experience.